The wounds we suffered in the past – the painful and traumatic single events or ongoing situations we had to endure – stay with us, no matter how much we think we’ve forgotten or dealt with them. Those beliefs and fears become part of us, and affect our behaviors in ways that seem impossible to overcome, or even recognize.

In response, we subconsciously create emotional armor to protect ourselves from ever again experiencing that pain from the past. This “false self” that each of us presents to the world is what I term one’s identity.

This identity is what we believe will keep us emotionally safe. It hides our vulnerability, and is our shield against whatever we believe created that wound in the first place. 

Here is our dilemma. As long as we remain locked in that false identity, we will never be able to live our truth, never experience what I call one’s essence. We will never realize our full potential, achieve our destiny, or experience the fulfillment we long for. 

So our Inner Journey is not just a journey from fear to courage. It’s a transformation from being stuck in our identity to living fully in our essence.

And so it is with the heroes of your stories….

Over the three seasons of the wonderful series TED LASSO, we see an ensemble of characters connected to AFC Richmond, its fictional English Premier League football team. Almost without exception, each of the primary characters in the series has to overcome wounds from the past as they strive to achieve the things they need or long for.

When the series begins, Rebecca Welton, a victim of an emotionally abusive marriage and humiliating divorce, plots to destroy the team she now owns, just because it was something her ex-husband cared deeply about. Her identity is that of the tough but gracious, highly successful and secretly conniving career woman. This is how she hides her anger, resentment, deep insecurity and battered self-esteem, 

Keely Jones is a fading model and occasional social media celebrity who is settling for a relationship with the self-involved star of AFC Richmond, Jamie Tartt. In her identity, Keely clings to what celebrity she has, rather than risk pursuing a career that would bring her greater fulfillment, and allow her to use the marketing talent she hides from the world.

Jamie himself uses his athletic talent to bolster his own ego, putting everyone down, including his teammates, to establish his superiority. But we come to realize that this identity stems from the wound that is the source of his buried pain and anger: his mean, abusive, alcoholic father, who criticizes Jamie at every opportunity.

Similarly, Nathan Shelley’s wound stems from his own father, who maintains a lifetime of distance from Nate, repeatedly ignoring him, and giving him criticism rather than praise or acknowledgment for whatever he does. Nate’s resulting identity has made him a mere kit man for the team, afraid to ever assert himself or voice an opinion of his own, let alone reveal his tactical brilliance.

The team’s former superstar Roy Kent uses his angry demeanor as emotional armor to hide the pain and fear of confronting his need to leave the game.

And perhaps most wounded of all, with an identity that is difficult to even recognize for the first season of the series, is Ted Lasso himself, who seems close to perfection in his kindness, fairness, and undying devotion to doing what is right. He seems to be the embodiment of his taped-to-the-wall mandate to simply BELIEVE. 

That is, until he has his first panic attack. Then we begin to see that buried under his endearing identity is an immense amount of pain, anger and fear, stemming from his own tragic wound from the past.

Understand that none of these identities is consciously calculated. We manufacture our emotional armor largely in our unconscious. And the reason it provides such wonderful protection, but sabotages our desires for fulfillment, is because we believe our identities are who we really are.

This is why I added the final phrase to the powerful statement from #3 in this series: